The excitement has been building the last few days and I think that I have been dealing with letting go of the fear I have about the distance. I didn't decide to do this because I thought it would be easy or even enjoyable all the time. I decided to train for this because I want to see clearly who I am; that it is possible. I know that I can run 20 miles and I know I can run a 10K, but I have never run them together. I think that I have to look at what motivates me because that is what is going to keep me going when I want to stop. I also need to see what I have already accomplished. Maybe a recap is a good place to start? I am now comfortable running a half marathon like it is a "normal" run. How awesome is that?
I started my taper this week and it feels really good to take a step back. No weekday runs more than 4-6 miles other then my last "long run" which will be either tomorrow or Saturday (8-10 miles). My ankle is feeling better after some much needed special care. I am going to head over to the track today after work and try and get my marathon pace down. I am pretty comfortable with pacing, but have a little trouble holding back and running slower than I want to sometimes. I am hoping that a little track work will get me to slow it down a bit and focus on conserving energy for the final push. This is my body and this is what I can run.
I have been consistent in my training from the beginning and have dealt with nagging minor inquires and have remained positive and realistic about my goals. I am thinking (as I write this) about how I plan to run this: 1. first 3 miles as a warm up 2. the next 7 miles to enjoy running and being outside 3. 10 miles to focus on staying in the right mindset and 4. running the last 10K with heart; to give it everything I have left. I have found that breaking longer runs into segments helps to keep me going when the end seems so far off.
I want to not get ahead of myself and use everything that I have learned over the last 4 months as my touchstones. It is easy to doubt yourself, but harder to let it go and allow yourself to feel free of worry. For a time I would focus on my legs when I was getting tired and just will them to keep moving because I had thought that my body would just keep going. What I have learned is that running is more from your core and if you focus on your breath and compactness of the movement itself and stay in your mind (while allowing your thoughts to move) then everything else just follows. Your breath is calm and your own push drives you. I think about how lucky I am to have this opportunity, how much i love (and feel love) from my friends and family, and what strength means to me. One of my favorite books is Observatory Mansions by Edward Carey. What I love about (and relate to) this book is that the main character Francis, who is this reclusive collector and cataloguer of objects, "works' as a human statue and observes what he calls "inner and outer silence" - this resonates with me because, well you know that I love to collect things, but more so because that silence signifies a sense of stillness in self. That is what I have been working towards.
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