It seemed like everything was just going wrong. Everyone says that the week before you run a marathon you should just take it easy and not let stress affect you in any way - well I guess my life is slightly different then that. I decided to settle on a different philosophy last week - mine was maybe if everything goes wrong Sunday will go right. Even on the way up the Albany to see my brother graduate my sister's boyfriend got pulled over twice for speeding on the Taconic within 5 minutes. Everything was starting to seem a little bleak and maybe like it wasn't meant to be. Luckily I have a super awesome support system so my sister and her boyfriend Peter kept encouraging me saying that this is what I have been training to do so I should just do it (and that worse case scenario that if I felt really sick they would come get me). I decided that I hadn't come this far to not even try, so I woke up Sunday and got dressed to run.
While I wasn't feeling my best I got everything together (sneaks, hydration pack, ipod, gels) and got ready to roll. Everything just felt really surreal. My mom and John drove me to start and helped me get mentally ready. I picked my spot at the start and got situated to settle in. I definitely got excited at that point. As the race started and I ran everything felt better. I starting thinking to myself "you never know what is going to happen or what to expect, but you can just deal with it as it comes up" - and that's what I did. The first 5 miles were fun. I was running at a fairly slow and comfortable pace (and even though it was raining it felt amazing). I struggled between miles 6-10 and then again getting to the half marathon mark. It was pouring rain at that point and the roads we were running on were dirt with lots of rocks and puddles. I hit the half marathon mark at about 2:34 and just kept running.
At about mile 17 I started to get pumped again and thought that if I kept focused I could run a sub 5 hour marathon. Mile 18 felt good and I saw some family friends. Right before mile 20 I saw my family and all I remember saying was "I'm almost at mile 20" and smiling and waving. At mile 20 I started thinking holy shit I am actually gonna finish this shit (those were my exact thoughts). And that's when going slow in the beginning paid off; I never hit the wall and I never felt tired. I kept thinking you run more then a 10K after work you've got this. Basically I just counted down the miles and watched my pace. Every mile closer just felt better than the one before it.
At mile 25 I decided that it was time and I could see the tents at the finish so I just picked it up. I ran past all my family and friends who had braved the crappy weather to cheer me on and it felt so good to hear them calling my name. I ran up the road and came onto the grass to run the chute to the finish. I can't even express how proud I felt running across the finish line and seeing the clock.
Oddly enough I am starting to feel calm, which goes against everything I have been reading about the taper week. I guess I feel like I have finally settled into all of this and am actually ready to run. I am enjoying the taper because I feel like I finally stopped putting any pressure on myself and I am back to just getting outside and enjoying my runs. I went out on a 4 miler yesterday and it was awesome - thinking back to it there were moments were I felt like I was flying. It just all worked. I felt fast and it never felt like I was putting in too much effort. My plan is to run today and either run again tomorrow or do a spinning class and that is it. Wow it feels so good to write that. I rest for a few days and then it's on.
During my run yesterday I practiced visualizing finishing and seeing my family and friends. I have learned that it really takes a huge amount of practice (and mental coaching) to remain positive and to not doubt myself. No matter how crazy all of this training has been, it is all about me getting outside and running (enjoying being outside, pushing myself and seeing that as long as you don't give up you can get there). Up to 438 logged miles since the last week in January. I am really proud. This hasn't been smooth sailing, but really what is? You start out with your ideal and then reality is what happens; you get hurt and you keep going not giving up on your goal. When I am running I feel strong and buoyant. Sometimes I wish that I was able to feel like that all the time, but for now I am happy to feel it at all.
T. S. Eliot: wrote, "Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go."
Now onto the technical part of this...I have been wearing my race sneakers to work this week so that I get the lacing down (and get more comfortable wearing them). I have been tracking the amount of water that I drink during the day (on my 8th glass of water today) and am eating clean. Other than that my allergies are killing me. I have my race day outfit ready to go and will pack up my gear on Thursday night. 5 days to go!!!
“Sometimes you wake up. Sometimes the fall kills you. And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.” -Neil Gaiman
The excitement has been building the last few days and I think that I have been dealing with letting go of the fear I have about the distance. I didn't decide to do this because I thought it would be easy or even enjoyable all the time. I decided to train for this because I want to see clearly who I am; that it is possible. I know that I can run 20 miles and I know I can run a 10K, but I have never run them together. I think that I have to look at what motivates me because that is what is going to keep me going when I want to stop. I also need to see what I have already accomplished. Maybe a recap is a good place to start? I am now comfortable running a half marathon like it is a "normal" run. How awesome is that?
I started my taper this week and it feels really good to take a step back. No weekday runs more than 4-6 miles other then my last "long run" which will be either tomorrow or Saturday (8-10 miles). My ankle is feeling better after some much needed special care. I am going to head over to the track today after work and try and get my marathon pace down. I am pretty comfortable with pacing, but have a little trouble holding back and running slower than I want to sometimes. I am hoping that a little track work will get me to slow it down a bit and focus on conserving energy for the final push. This is my body and this is what I can run.
I have been consistent in my training from the beginning and have dealt with nagging minor inquires and have remained positive and realistic about my goals. I am thinking (as I write this) about how I plan to run this: 1. first 3 miles as a warm up 2. the next 7 miles to enjoy running and being outside 3. 10 miles to focus on staying in the right mindset and 4. running the last 10K with heart; to give it everything I have left. I have found that breaking longer runs into segments helps to keep me going when the end seems so far off.
I want to not get ahead of myself and use everything that I have learned over the last 4 months as my touchstones. It is easy to doubt yourself, but harder to let it go and allow yourself to feel free of worry. For a time I would focus on my legs when I was getting tired and just will them to keep moving because I had thought that my body would just keep going. What I have learned is that running is more from your core and if you focus on your breath and compactness of the movement itself and stay in your mind (while allowing your thoughts to move) then everything else just follows. Your breath is calm and your own push drives you. I think about how lucky I am to have this opportunity, how much i love (and feel love) from my friends and family, and what strength means to me. One of my favorite books is Observatory Mansions by Edward Carey. What I love about (and relate to) this book is that the main character Francis, who is this reclusive collector and cataloguer of objects, "works' as a human statue and observes what he calls "inner and outer silence" - this resonates with me because, well you know that I love to collect things, but more so because that silence signifies a sense of stillness in self. That is what I have been working towards.
T-minus two weeks! This weekend was an interesting one running-wise. I set-out on Saturday for my last double-digit long run (which when I actually looked at my long runs equates to running distances each weekend equal to 7+ half marathons-crazypants right?!!) No wonder why I am tired. I woke up on Saturday tired, but looking forward to spending some time outside because the weather was absolutely gorgeous- yeah if only I knew how is was actually going to be. This is why I love writing this blog because I am going to be honest about what happened rather than just saying "it was a good run" - that would be a lie in some senses. Ok so within the first 3 miles I realized that my GPS wasn't working and had to accept that I just needed to turn it off and keep running, rather then focusing on it lying to me about where I was on my run (which psychologically really messes with me). Made it to about mile 5ish and started to have some serious tummy troubles (due in part to the fact that I had half of a protein shake (i.e. dairy) before my run. Yes, I admit to this and am fully aware that this was not the best idea ever, but for some reason I thought everything would be fine. Ohhh wait did I mention that I also decided to break-in my new running shoes on this run as well (see photo below). Again, not the best idea ever but they need to be broken in, so the choices of how to break them in are kind of limited (on the up side I experience absolutely no knee pain on this run).
Back to mile 7 and every little step is moving my tummy in ways that I am just not equipped to describe. I finally give in and walk because it is just time to find a bathroom. I find a lovely little gas station with a dingy tiny bathroom and feel much much better after, not 100% or even 75%, but good enough to keep the trek going. I pull it together and get home with about 14 miles under my belt.
What I am proudest about is I didn't give up. I kept moving and finished the run. What may be even more important is that I didn't beat myself up because it didn't go the way that I planned. I saw the humor in it. I was miles away from home, didn't feel good and still did it (though that was partially because I actually needed to get home). The point is: 1. don't eat dairy before a run 2. carry tp with you (you never know) 3. just keep moving - who cares if you run - just put one foot in front of the other and eventually you will get somewhere AND 4. break-in your cute sneakers over a few runs.
I got home and took off my sneakers to find a disgusting blood blister, which needed to be operated on and then I passed out on my couch until the evening. When I finally ventured away from my couch I discovered that I was completely sunburnt. Fun times! Went to bed, got up and got dressed to do a trail run 5K in Esopus. I got there and was super excited to be around other runners in a beautiful setting in the woods on an amazingly clear and warm day. The running community is such a supportive one. It's all these people who most of the time are running by themselves who come together for a race and then you hear about what other people are going through (all the miles that they are putting in, aches and pains and numerous racing accomplishments - it is pretty inspiring).
This trail run was tough (i guess that's why it is called a trail run, but basically it is like going on a hike but running the entire thing). We ran up and down and around on trails with rocks and tree roots. Most of the paths were covered in leaves and we had to cross a stream. I met a woman at the beginning of the race and we ended up pacing each other which really helped. I think that hardest part of trail running is watching your footing while looking ahead to make sure you are on the trail.
It was pretty great and then all of a sudden we were in a clearing with the clock in sight. I picked it up, finished and was eating quinoa chili and cornbread and chatting it up in no time. The advice that a 61-year old runner (who just ran Boston) gave me was to not hurt myself in the next two weeks (fingers and toes crossed), to go to a track and run my marathon pace over and over until I get it down per mile, and to start my marathon running the first 3 miles slower then I want to (at least 10:40 splits). Sure, I'll take that. She also asked me where my watch was? I answered, "but this is for fun" (insert a giggle here). Finished out the weekend with some playground time with my sister and niece. Hello May!!
