unforeseen uncomplications

I almost feel like I have been writing this blog in my head for the last few days, so here it goes for real.  To keep you up-to-date on my stats (because we all know how important it is to log miles). I did a run of close to 16 miles on Saturday morning.  It hurt and I ran through it.  I cross trained yesterday and ran a 4 miler this morning, but that is almost the end of the story so...

This whole marathon thing has become much more complicated then I ever thought it would be.  Why you may wonder (it is running and that in itself is somewhat simple right)?!  Well in some ways yes, but add a slightly complicated person into the mix and now you have a whole new beast.  You get your shoes on and get outside and you just move right?  But what happens is you are going somewhere and nowhere in every run.  

You run then you rest and then you run again.  What happens in between though is that you (or me since I can only really speak for myself) have to answer all these other questions about why this one event is so important that I no longer want to sleep in on Saturday mornings.  For me, the last three or so weeks have been really tough.  I have struggled with some knee problems, but I think what has been even more difficult then that is that I am finally answering some of the larger questions that motivate me (to run, to be a better person, and why I am who I am).

It seems like all of these miles are actually unraveling or getting to the core of what I think about when I run and how I feel about myself.  In some ways it sort of feels backwards, but today when I was running it just hit me that maybe these are the things that I need to actually look at and not run away from; that my awareness to these things (fleeting feelings, nagging insecurities, etc.) will actually keep me running because maybe I am running past them or through them (to finish this marathon and pursue other interests and goals)?

At the suggestion of a friend I sat down last night and thought about what is really important to me and made a list of those things (short-term to start out) that I would like to spend some time on.  Looking at my fridge door maybe this makes a bit more sense. 


Oddly enough my running list was significantly shorter then my other lists (which included: my artwork, my life, my apt).  I guess in this whole process I am seeing myself in a new way and because of that I have to shift those other parts of my life to achieve a new balance. 

i love running...there is no denying that.  But what I am contemplating now is what exactly are my goals (or dreams).  I run this and then what?  This one day is just that one important day that I have spend months preparing for.  When i run and things are tough my mantra is define yourself.  Sometimes these are just words and sometimes they become part of an inner dialogue that I have with myself about who I am and who I would like to see myself become.  This question/statement can stay in my mind for a few seconds or I can go over and over this for hours.  You can learn alot about yourself on 3 hour runs alone if you are willing to look. 

In case you didn't get some of the crankiness I have been feeling in the other blogs - here it is. I am admitting that this has been alot of work. I have questioned myself alot over the last three or so months.  Questioned my strength, my view of myself, and my physical ability to do this - and after all this I think that I am almost ready to run. 

I just went outside before and was surprised not only by the heat, but by the humidity. I came back inside and decided that I should sign-up for a local 5K trail run this sunday.  Not because it is part of my training, but because I want to be outside and run in the woods.  Simple and uncomplicated. Happy. 

the fear

So here is my weekend recap...rested Thursday and Friday and had a terrible Saturday long run.  When I say terrible I mean it!!  I woke up tired and by mile 5 my knee was killing me.  My knee was just so tight every step was just ridiculous.  I never and I mean never stop to walk and I totally did (and I am admitting that).  All I could think was that if I kept going I was really going to damage my knee.  Luckily, I shortened the run and was almost home by the time I was feeling this crappy.  What I am most proud of about this run is I didn't beat myself up for not getting the number of miles in that I had wanted to.  Normally my first impulse would be that I would just be disappointed in myself for not doing what I set out to do.  Instead I was just happy that I got a run in and I also need to come up with an updated game plan for getting through the next month.  For this I am happy because I am trying to learn how to deal with the unexpected - not a bad skill to have. 

A little later in the day  I hobbled away with my mom and brother to Vermont (and I only had a moderate Frankenstein walk at that point) where we were treated to yummy food, beautiful views and lovely company.  Yesterday my mom, my aunt and I drove the marathon course - WOW is all I have to say.  I didn't really want to see the whole course but I did.  Not that that was the best thing ever but now I know.  I don't mean to sound silly or unthoughtful, but it was FAR and there were miles upon miles that were simply unpaved packed dirt and gravel.  In one way I am really looking forward to the unpaved roads because overall it will be easier on my knees, but these were some serious mountain roads.  On top of the terrain I was also wondering about inclines, which all in all didn't look so bad - but you never know what something is going to feel like miles and miles into a run.  

I am still in it, but a little scared about all these variables that are coming up.  I am just trying to ground myself in putting in some good training this week and figuring out the rest of this as I go.  It seems like a good idea to stick to some spinning this week and see how my knee is towards the end of the week.  I ordered some SpiderTech tape and am hoping that will help.  In the meantime I just want to run, but instead have to switch it up in order to get to run.

Thursdays and rest

I went to an amazing spinning class.  What you may ask makes a spinning (or bicycle-to-nowhere) class so amazing?  This class just has alot of energy and a good selection of electronic|dance music which keeps the pace pretty fast (and never seems to end).  Well that and the instructor yelling at you to "go faster, work harder" always seems to do the trick.  Half way through the class I was entirely drenched in sweat and utterly loving life - pretty stellar that it is that easy right?!!

I decided that tonight rather then cramming in another workout I am going to go see my sister and niece.  I have noticed a big shift in my energy levels when I give myself two back-to-back rest days before a long run.  As of tomorrow it will be exactly a month away, which I am starting to actually get excited about.  This weekend I am off to Vermont with my mom to check-out part of the course.  I was thinking about it yesterday and some of the other reasons that I wanted to run this specific marathon are that alot of what I remember from my childhood is running around outside with my cousins in Vermont.  This is all sort of making sense in a number of different ways.  It is also something that I can also share with my family and close friends (though I am quite sure that at this point they are probably pretty tired of hearing about running). 

I can't even express how much support I have felt this entire time I have been training.  When you feel that much support, on the days where you can't even fathom anymore training it helps to push you forward.  Sometimes when I am really tired I will run a route where there are alot of cars, no not because I have a death wish, because I wouldn't want anyone to see me slow down or stop.  It doesn't really make a ton a sense since really my runs only mean something to me, but it still helps.  On longer runs I have imagined friends running with me and when it gets really tough I think to myself they wouldn't stop so why should I?  I have also implemented a new running strategy for what I consider to be a bad run.  For me a bad run is when I don't have energy; when my legs, heart, and mind don't work together or just my rhythm is off.  What I have started doing is rerunning the exact same route on another day.  I do this to help banish any bad feelings that I am holding to one particular run or day.  Ok so I think that you may be getting a sense of the type of psychological tricks that I use to push through - whatever works!!

 

why so rainy spring?

Ok so today didn't start off so stellar, but I said a blog a day so here goes...yes, I am still tired due to my own silliness.  Instead let's backtrack to yesterday - so the sky was super dark almost all day and I was watching the weather online at work hoping that I wouldn't have to run on the mill at the gym (referred to as the mill for a number of reasons).  By the afternoon it looked like I would be able to get an outside run in afterwork, so I rushed home to get out before the rain (which sort of worked, but it did rain a bit - those huge heavy raindrops before a storm).  I just did a short tempo run of 4.2 miles at a 9:13 pace.  It was a really enjoyable run (avec compression knee brace).  I really love the short fast run, it is such a different mindset then the log run.  When I got home my stomach was bothering me a little so I just ate some soup.  I am trying to eat less diary this week to see if there is any positive effect on how I am feeling.  I have been having green smoothies for breakfast and was using whey powder, but am seeing if a hemp|cacao blend works any better. I really love Odwalla's protein drinks - the almond protein one is pretty delish with some fresh fruit and coconut yogurt (chia seeds are also a new must). 

My plan for this evening involves a spinning class and my couch.  I noticed this morning that while my knee wasn't bothering me that the front of my leg (inside of my shin below my knee) is pretty tender to the touch. I am going to get tonight's class in and then do some core training tomorrow (with no running until Saturday).   I ordered Born to Run yesterday as my impulse motivational Tuesday purchase so I am looking forward to reading it when it arrives.  OHHH also i have been doing my shorter runs in the Brooks green silence (why? recycled materials, non-toxic dyes, and water-based adhesives) and I have to share with you that it is pure foot love. I just feel so much faster in them!   

Run, eat, rest

After my first blog, last night I started thinking "what am am going to talk about tomorrow?" and then I made myself stop because I want to write each day as it happens.  I had planned on getting up early this morning to go for a run before work, but I couldn't fall asleep last night, so when my alarm went off I simply ignored it and reset it for the appropriate work wake-up time.  This is the thing about training and training schedules you become a compulsive rescheduler | internal bargainer.  What this means in its simplest explanation and form is that the week starts by looking at the weather, evaluating how you feel and then factoring in time to hang out with friends, going grocery shopping, doing laundry etc.  Sounds fun right?!  Thus normal things such as buying food and socializing become secondary in some ways to when "the run" is scheduled.  For me what works the best is the FIRST method (which if you want you can look up), but basically what it is is 3 days running a week including one speedwork day, one tempo run and a long run on the weekend.  This is supplemented by two days of cross-training.  I usually do either a spinning class and/or pilates/weight training depending on how I am feeling.  This is where it gets slightly complicated because there are times when you are just beat and the last thing that you want to do is anything at all, other then sit on the couch and relax.  What happens is you bargain with yourself about what you can actually so.  For a long time I tried to stay to a strict schedule, but found myself wanting to take a break (and get a beer).  It wasn't that I ever doubted my commitment to running because that has pretty much been unwavering since the beginning.  Through various parts of my life running remains my constant.  I have run through relationships, moves in jobs and living situations, changes in seasons - all in the hope to experience the breeze on my face or a 1/2 mile of feeling completly free. 

Maybe it's also helpful for me the mention a little more about how my training has been going so far. My plan is to run the Shires Marathon from Bennington VT to Manchester VT on May 15th, 2011.  I picked this race because I have family in Bennington so I would be able to see them, eat my pre-raced dinner and also run in the environment that I love the most (a rural area).  I approached my training, because there is so much of it, in month-by-month blocks, meaning that I never looked past one month at a time. I did this for some obvious reasons, the biggest being that I didn't want to share the shit out of myself.  The focus of each week for me ends up being the ever-daunting-sometimes-awesome (when they are over) weekend long run.  I think that I have been running double digit long runs for close to 2 months at this point.  The nice thing about them (yes there is something nice about them) is that when I have a week where the run is long (for example this past week was a 15.3 mile run) the next week takes a step down, which is necessary to rest and pull it together for the next one.  Two week ago I ran a 30K (one of my proudest running accomplishments to date) and after that run my left knee has been bothering me a bit.  After dealing with the first impulse thoughts of "i'm out" i have been training 4 days a week.  It has been hard for me to accept that sometimes I have to shift my expectations of myself.  I just expect my body to be on the same page as my mind. I felt a little overwhelmed that most training plans were saying that it was really important to run two 20 milers prior to a marathon, but am thankful to everyone else on the internet for saying that 16-18 is just as good.  Who knows?! Either I destroy myself pushing to get a 20 miler in or try and recover and get another 18-20 miler in next weekend and start my taper the week after.  Maybe part of training to run a marathon is also figuring out solutions to what actually happens when you train?

My other focus (and interest) has also been trying eat fairly clean (i.e unprocessed foods / whole grains / lots of veggies) because if I am going to expect my body to perform at a certain level then I have to fuel it (this is not the say that I have given up dark chocolate and other treats - just as my disclaimer).  I was also starting to feel a little tired and wondered if I was missing something in my vegetarian diet.  Overall, I think that I am doing pretty good minus the fact that I think I could live off of beer pizza (maybe that will be another blog with photos and a recipe) even though I don't.  On top of having a slightly ridiculous running schedule to think about, I also try to eat every two hours during the work day (so I am not only thinking about training but when my next snack is and if I am drinking enough water).  Running has made me very aware of my body and how I feel day-to-day. The days that I feel my best are the ones where I eat the smartest (and sleep a full night).  Cross your fingers and toes tonight is one of them. 

33 Days and Post 1

I decided that today is the day that it all starts, well at least from this point forward I am going to document the next 33 days of my training, my life (which is heavily entrenched in training) and all other things that come up.  My intention is to share my experience during this last part of my training.  It may be interesting; it may be boring - but right now this is what I have and what I am trying to do.  Most of the time I find myself wondering "does anyone else think about hydration, diet, running schedules, benefits of compression garments, etc.?" - along with the day-to-day issues of just living life - being creative and staying positive about this one huge goal that I have decided I am checking off my list this year. 

I see the best starting point is explaining a little about myself and how this all came about so here goes (and I will keep it short and sweet)...I am a 33 year old daydreamer who has struggled to stay in the present and achieve goals for what feels like a large part of my life (at least that is how I see it, which may or may not be true).  I consciously decided to embrace that side of myself that is part overachiever and since then my life in many ways races with itself as a proving ground to becoming who I want to be.  It also has become the motivating factor to achieving the ever-growing list goals that I set for myself. If this is sounding complicated, well welcome to my world. 

My first road race was a little over 5 years ago and was the glorious Delaware River Run (5K) in the ohh so beautiful Port Ewen, NY.  At this run, I was so ill-prepared that I had actually never even run outside, but had decided this was the day and needless to say that while I finished in a fairly respectable 31 minutes and some change (and felt so awesome at the end I had to vomit) this is what started it all.  I wanted to be stronger and I wanted the act of running itself to be fun, which on a good day it is.  On a hard day it is work, but there is never a day that I regret putting my sneakers on and either getting out of my head or working something seemingly impossible out to merely just a passing thought. 

Five plus years later with 6 half marathons (and a fridge full of race bids) under my belt I decided it was time to do what I have been dreaming about (both in daydreams and in a few nightmares).  Why a marathon you may wonder (and yes I know that many of you do wonder)? Because why not?  Maybe that's not really an answer, but every run that I go out on gets myself a little closer to my answer or maybe to the core question that keeps me running.  It is this part of myself against my old self that is a chain-smoking slacker who wanted to get outside and see what it is like to just experience each moment for what it is (painful, beautiful, hard, joyous, proud, never-ending) and all the emotions that you go through and process in your time outside (or the time inside when the weather is bad).  

I had this moment when I ran the Philadelphia half marathon this past November when I hit mile 13 and thought "I think I can go further and actually feel good" and that is part of of what has kept me going.  Skip forward to my present and I am 15 weeks into training with two 18+ mile runs under my belt, weeks upon weeks of double-digit runs spanning 2+ hours of running and some minor knee pain along with numerous other stories that somehow all tie into running (at least in my mind they do).  I could talk about the specifics of my training but instead think that I am going to focus on how each day looks to me.   

Welcome to my day 33, which includes an 8 hour work day to be followed by an hour of weight training (focusing on core strength) and a 3 miler to set the pace for this week.  Ready?