just once

Yesterday afternoon I got an email from a friend who asked me if I wanted to go for a hike afterwork.  Sounded like fun and it was a gorgeous day, except that I needed to get a run in.  I wrote him back saying that maybe we could figure out a plan for after my run, to which I got a reply saying that if I was interested he would run with me.  OK so seems pretty to the point and simple, but to me it was really surprising because it isn't so often that someone who doesn't run wants to.  I have to admit this is one of my favs and it also made me think about why I love to run so much, but I will get back to that.  To me when someone who isn't a runner decides that they want run - it says something to me.  I guess in the simplest form it is wanting to do something and part of that is making some type of a change.  Maybe it is just to have a new experience or to be outside or to spend some honest time with a friend.  That's why running is amazing.  There is no way that you can fake a run and it is pretty hard to bullshit while you are out there.  There is chit chat and silence and you have to be comfortable with both.  You are in your skin and you hear your breath moving whether or not you want to.  I knew that on this particular run that my friend would let me set the pace - so we ran 5.25 miles on the shaded windy roads of beautiful mt tremper, but the mileage part of the run didn't really matter. It wasn't until that last mile or so that I could tell that he was getting tired, but that's where you push. You think that you just don't have it in you - but you do - you just need to reach for it.  The reason I found this run to be so special is because it was with one of my best friends who is moving and making some changes in his life.  I really appreciate (more then I can write) that he wanted to spend time with me doing what I love and for giving running a chance - for that I am thankful.  When I don't know what I am doing I run; when I am tired I run.  I always feel there is that support there.  Just like with friendships you support decisions, goals and unknowing vision whether or not they are yours.   

I understand that running isn't alluring to everyone - in the beginning it sucks.  It is uncomfortable and breathing is difficult, but once you move through that phase and your body adjusts it becomes second nature.  When we were running yesterday I kept thinking that I actually prefer running to walking.  The movement of running is so graceful and smooth.  Each motion forward is controlled and at the same time free.  Your breath is focused and kept in your core; your steps are light and quick and they draw energy for the next ones.  You hear everything in a different way and are acutely aware of your surroundings.  Sometimes you let your mind wander and thoughts pass through (insecurities, memories, feelings) and other times you focus on goals or let yourself just be in motion.  For me, running has helped me define myself and along all these miles I have become a strong runner and a happier person. 

Go run - just once.

the fire

I have been in this pseudo-non training lie-to-myself phase where I have been saying that I am not training, but really I am in a scaled down way (so I guess I just admitted it). I think that I have just been worried that after all my months of training that I would lose fitness, which is kind of inevitable because it's not entirely practical (or even possible) to stay at that level all the time (but I want to).  During the last month I have shied away from longer runs and focused instead on short fun runs.  A week or so ago I decided to bring the longer run back.  I did a 9 mile trail run last week and an 8 miler this past Wednesday.  I did these runs just to push myself a little (and to feel the confidence that a longer run brings).  On both of these runs I didn't feel tired and actually felt like I could keep going.  The reason that I am writing this is because I start "real" training again in another two weeks and I am scared.  I am scared to go through it all again.  I think these feelings will pass, but they are there.  I guess i am still just really close to it and all the emotions that are involved with committing to train for another 18 weeks.  Maybe it is just realistic because I know what it can be like; maybe it is harder because I know what I am capable of and see where I need to push. I think that I really want to see what happens next.  If you know me, then this probably sounds about right huh?  Sometimes I do things a little over the top but it's because I feel really strongly about the things that I love. 

I also just don't know what I would do otherwise.  Where would all the time go? If you have ever run or even just experienced one really good run you know exactly what I am talking about.  I long for the feeling of a weightless run, which really does happen from time to time or a run where the day just disappears and everything is just happening in one clear clean moment.  I run because of those moments when there is nothing else but to just keep going. 


"I ran to be free; I ran to avoid pain; I ran to feel pain; I ran out of love and hate and anger and joy" Dagny Scott

in the moment

Today marks one month since my marathon.  It feels like way longer then that to me.  I am actually missing my long runs and the running induced feelings of almost invincibility on a day-to-day basis.  The only thing to do is to make a new plan!! My new plan includes the Beacon Duathlon in July, the Rock n' Roll Providence Half Marathon in August, my beloved Dutchess County Classic Half Marathon in September with my sights set on the Philadelphia Marathon in late November.  My approach with be to focus month-by-month on training and not to look too far ahead.  The thing is that when you get down to running and the real reasons that keep you going it has more to do achieving goals and the redefining of self then anything else. 

Run because you can and because anything is possible when you are focused and committed.  I hope to see you out along the way! 

begin again

I think that I have to keep this blog going after all! After a few weeks of resting and some simple fun runs I think that the marathon wasn't the end.  Within the first few days after the marathon people were asking me the "what's next?" question.   At first my answer was who knows I am still enjoying this one, but then I started to ask myself what is next?  What do I see myself doing? Do I take a break or do I make a new plan?  What happened is I came to the conclusion that running and training is an important part of my life that I am not ready to scale back.  That doesn't mean that I am not cutting back because I do see how rest is part of even considering doing anything else.  I want my runs this month to be joyous and not dictated by mileage, so that is exactly what I have been doing.  I still get in 4 days but the deal that I made with myself is that I can run whatever mileage that I want and on whatever terrain I am feeling into (road, trail, path).  I also decided that I have to embrace that there is a part of me that is heavily goal-orientated and just go with it. 

I picked a local spirit duathlon as a new goal for July. I will train 4 weeks for it - starting next week and I just want to have a good time.  I have been looking at my bike longingly the last month or so, so this is my way of putting it to good use.  Of course that's not the whole story, but if you know me and you are reading this you probably already guessed that.  To step back for a second my original intention of running a spring marathon was to potentially run a fall one - nothing like dreaming big right?!  I sort of dropped that idea mid-way through training for the shear fact that my body, brain and soul just couldn't get on board with everything else I was going through.  After settling down a bit I have decided to train to run another marathon in November (with a half in August ).  That's the plan for now...to be honest now that I have a better idea of how to train and what to expect I am really looking forward to seeing how I can improve in six months.  I feel really strong and ready to tackle something else.  It is actually an attainable and realistic goal so why not right?!!